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Check out these clever pregnancy comebacks

Pregnant Belly
Photo by Fallon Michael on Unsplash

Let me say this - you never know what you may get when you encounter a pregnant woman. I would start crying if you told me my hair looked good. I would politely tell you to"go f&*$ yourself" if you asked how I was feeling. Some days, I would hug you just for talking to me. With all that being said, you should really think before you speak to a pregnant woman. Trust me.

I wish I had come up with these Clever Pregnancy Comebacks! Here are some highlights:

“You’re huge!”

  • I know!! It’s like I’m growing a whole baby or something!

  • Holy sh%^, you too!

  • I don’t know why either, all I consume these days is cocaine and Diet Sprite. Weird, eh?

“How many more babies are you going to have?”

  • Somewhere between one and 47.

  • It depends on how many we sell.

  • We plan to keep going until we have an ugly one.

“Should you be eating that?”

  • Well, seeing as you’re already eating your foot, I figured I may as well eat this.

  • No, I should be eating lots of it.

  • Why, because you think it’s as dangerous as asking me that question?

“You still haven’t had that baby yet?”

  • I’m trying to hold it in so I can finish a novel I’m working on.

  • Oh, I had it, I just left it in the car today.

  • I had it yesterday but I’m trying to shoplift this basketball so could you bugger off?

“You better sleep now because once that baby gets here…”

  • Why!? Don’t they sleep?! Next you’ll tell me they poop too.

  • (lower your voice then say) Actually, I don’t sleep now. I just sneak into your bedroom and watch you sleep. You sleep like an angel. My secret, dirty, little angel.

  • Sleep is for ugly people.

“You should NOT be drinking caffeine.”

(or doing, eating, touching, etc. something else that’s none of their damn business).

  • The Voices say I can have caffeine. I don’t mess with the Voices.

  • You shouldn’t be wearing those jeans (etc.) but I didn’t bring that to your attention.

  • It’s not caffeine. It’s doctor prescribed laxative tea because this pregnancy is making me so constipated I have hemorrhoids. Oh, sorry, was that too much information?

  • You’re right, tequila is better.


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