I Had To Be Honest With Myself

I asked for a sign.

Crickets.

I continued to pray and kept asking God for a sign.

I’m quite sure He sent me several signs, but I wasn't paying attention.

This “ask and seek” continued for quite some time.

What was the sign I was looking for? Whether or not I should keep moving forward with Jill Devine Media (JDM) or hit pause.

If you didn’t know, besides being the Founder and Owner of JDM, I also have a job at the church I attend, Messiah St. Charles. What started out as a very, very, very, very part-time position has now led to a full-time position as the Connections and Community Groups Coordinator. As the responsibilities increased at Messiah St. Charles, I would fall behind with JDM. I would find myself playing catch up on the weeknights and weekends. That would lead to exhaustion and I don’t know about you, but I get pretty cranky when I’m exhausted. And then I take it out on the people I care about the most, my family.

I’ve been conflicted about hitting pause on JDM because I would release a new episode of Two Kids and A Career and I would get a random message about that particular episode and how helpful it was to the person sending the message. I took that as my sign to keep going. Then the cycle would repeat itself.

Another growth opportunity was presented to me at Messiah St. Charles and I knew I had to make a decision. It wasn’t ok to not give my full self to Messiah St. Charles and it wasn’t ok to not give my full self to JDM. I’ve been trying to manage two full time jobs and that’s pretty impossible to do.

Then one Thursday morning I got the biggest sign I needed. The hard drive on my laptop somehow got corrupted.

As the weekend went on and there wasn’t any additional information given to me about recovering the lost data, I knew it was time. I sat down and started talking it through with my husband, Brian. As we were talking, I started to feel relief.

I want to give my full self to Messiah St. Charles. I’m hitting pause on JDM, which includes hitting pause on blogs, coaching, podcast production, and Two Kids and A Career. I’m still involved in podcasting because I’m one of the hosts for Normal Goes A Long Way, a podcast I created through Messiah St. Charles.

I honestly don’t know if JDM will get “unpaused” in the future, but that’s what’s cool about hitting the pause button. It’s not forever. I’m not ready to make that decision. But I know I will be more attentive in leaning in and listening for that sign when it’s time.

Thanks for all your support.

Love,

Jill